I admit this has been harder than I thought it would be. I know time heals and perhaps I’m too impatient, but so far healing has been a mirage.
I’m glad we moved, but leaving my home since 1981 was sad in many ways. My wife was born in Halifax, so for her it’s a whole life. Lately I’ve been on Google Street Views just to look around and think through all the memories. Sometimes I stare at her grave.
We joined a suicide survivors support group and look forward to the meetings. A little apprehensive as well.
I really miss Rae. So much has happened in the last three years. I hate that the first two years following her death how angry everything made me. I hate living with regret over things left unsaid or unfinished or done wrong. I know it’s normal to feel this way, but it’s a lot harder to accept it as something you can never change.
When you know better, you do better.
Today’s another day. Our new apartment feels dangerously safe. We think of it as a cocoon. Everyday I grow in appreciation for my wife and how special she is. Everyday Rehtaeh’s little pug Ozzy wakes me up with a smile. He means so much to us.
One day at a time.